The first step is admitting you have a problem, so here it is: I’ve become a podcast junkie. I started on Talking Comics, which is exactly what it sounds like, but eventually decided that it was far too much for far too long. Then there was the incomparable War Rocket Ajax, the internet’s most destructive comics and pop-culture podcast. Following that up, from time to time, was How Did This Get Made?, but being about bad movies it meant I could only listen to the ones I had seen.
Then there was If I Were You.
I’m going to assume that most of this blog’s demographic falls into the 18-25 age range and, running on that assumption, have surely heard of Jake and Amir à la CollegeHumor. I mean, come on, the two guys have their own show. And it’s funny, too. Here, look [warning for some language, etc.]:
Jake’s notoriously small wrists and Amir’s tears of soy aside, the point is that these two guys started a podcast. The only advice podcast on the internet hosted by the two of them, though that goes without saying. While they admittedly comment a lot on areas that, according to the If I Were You‘s description, “they’re not qualified to talk about,” what’s important is that a) they keep things hilarious, and b) they say it like it is.
Gordon wrote a Fame Day back in October about Nate’s Vlogs, his justification being that most of what the YouTuber says is “based off of some extremely common sense view of the situation.” In other words, Nate disses people who are being ignorant or dumb. That’s all well and good, but I’m going to pull a Kanye West [Gordon is Taylor Swift in this situation] and state that “Gordon’s post is already finished, but If I Were You is the best at putting people in their place . . . of all time.”
I should probably let Jake Hurwitz and Amir Blumenfield speak for themselves as they give advice to “Danny”, who was given a fake name to preserve his anonymity [starts at around 8:11]:
“DANNY”‘S QUESTION: My GF started being really clingy and annoying after her dad died in a car accident, so I broke up with her. But now she’s telling everyone that I’m a dick. How do I stop these annoying rumours from spreading?
JAKE: Oh man, your life’s really hard.
AMIR: Yeah, because, oh, now look there’s rumours that are annoying and like how do you even deal with that?
JAKE: Yeah, do you talk to your living father about it maybe?
AMIR: The way to stop these annoying rumours from spreading is to stop being an awful person. Just from your email you’re probably the worst person I’ve never met.
Here’s another reaction to a question from one “Scrappy Doo” [around 39:47]:
“SCRAPPY DOO”‘S QUESTION: I’ve been dating this great girl for two weeks now and she’s a smokeshow with an awesome personality. Everything was going great until we had sex and I saw her naked. She has ugly man feet that cannot be described as anything less than morbidly disgusting. Whenever I get a hardy thinking about her my mind shifts from her hot bod to her ogre feet. What should I do, I feel like a complete farquad over here. I’m dating Shrek. Thanks, Scrappy Doo.
AMIR: This is why girls have issues. Is because they think that guys think this, and even worse, guys do.
JAKE: Right, but . . . so few. This guy is a piece of sh-t.
AMIR: He does not represent us. A smokeshow with an awesome personality has ogre feet?
JAKE: Right, you have ugly everything, man. Is Farquaad, isn’t he the evil prince? He’s like the evil guy in Shrek? Yeah, you are a complete Farquaad. You Farquaad.
AMIR: You want to be the Shrek-
JAKE: You want to be the Shrek; the hero of the movie. So yeah, you’re dating Shrek, a lovable hero.
AMIR: And you’re an evil prince, I think. I don’t even want to call you a prince, you’re just a bad person.
Like Gordon did with Nate’s YouTube videos, I will admit upfront that the guys can be a little crass, and that Jake is a self-proclaimed sociopath whose life revolves around casual sex, but that aside their advice is almost always solid. They never shy away from telling people that they’re being awful, and much of the time straight-up advise them to be better. If you write in they’ll be honest with you, even if it’s to honestly say what a monster you are being. And it’s a funny podcast, you guys, it’s seriously so funny.
If all of that weren’t reason enough to start checking it out I do want to mention that Episode 11 and Episode 35 feature Allison Williams, of Girls, as a special guest. It has her glowing recommendation, and that has to mean something.