Why A 2 Broke Girls Porn Parody Doesn’t Exist

First off, I’d like to apologize for how little this blog has gotten into the spirit of the spoo-oo-ookiest season of the year. Granted, Gordon wrote up another of his annual Halloween movie rec lists, but apart from that we haven’t really delved into the macabre at all. That’s why I figured that now was as good a time as any for the most terrifying topic among those that I’ve been meaning to cover: the existence of a 2 Broke Girls porn parody.

Now at the time of this writing a 2 Broke Girls porn parody does not, in fact, exist. Googling that search term mostly just brings up this video-

-which I have a problem with based on the fact that, hey, everyone knows that Han is Korean and Oleg is Ukrainian! I mean, do your research, people. My self-appointed role as the internet’s foremost 2 Broke Girls-ologist aside we should probably get to discussing exactly why that is. No, not why a 2 Broke Girls porn parody is needed [it’s not, also, you know why], but why one doesn’t exist.

I Did Actual Porn Parody Research For This 

I did not do an extensive amount of actual porn parody research for this, though. Wikipedia had 27 pages for the category “Pornographic parody films”, and of those I selected only three based on TV shows that I have at least a passing familiarity with, alongside one other. I’m going to be spotlighting them from oldest to newest in terms of the original program.

First up is Seinfeld: A XXX Parody, released in 2009 by porn film studio New Sensations. Here are the facts [all math cobbled together from information found on the shows’ respective Wikipedia pages]:

• Seinfeld premiered in 1989 and concluded in 1998. It ran for a total of nine seasons.
• The average Nielsen Rating over the course of all nine seasons was 17.7, meaning that on average 17.7% of all household with TVs watched this show live as it aired.
• There was a gap of 11 years between the end of this show and the creation of its porn parody.
• Having scanned the plot synopsis on Wikipedia I can assure you all that the porn parody does not have “Jorge” engage in any sexual acts on screen.

Next up is 30 Rock: A XXX Parody, also released in 2009 by the same studio:

• 30 Rock premiered in 2006 and concluded in 2012. It ran for a total of 7 seasons.
• While I was unable to find any Nielsen Ratings information, I was able to calculate that during the course of all seven seasons 30 Rock was on average the 100th most watched show in the US.
• The porn parody was actually released between the 3rd and 4th season of the show, the former of which had more overall viewers than any other, arguably 30 Rock at the height of its popularity.
• “Ken” the Page does have a sex scene, but according to this review is played by an entirely different [buffer] actor, which is hilarious.

To hit up a different naming convention, This Ain’t Glee XXX was released in 2010 by Hustler. I fully admit that I know very little about this show:

• Glee premiered in 2009 and concluded earlier this year, 2015. It ran for a total of six seasons.
• The Nielsen Ratings available were only for season premieres and finales, but on average this was the 72nd most watched show in the States while it was running.
• The porn parody was released only one month after the finale of the first season.
• Judging from the cover the Sue Sylvester analog gets in on the action. I don’t care enough about this show to dig any deeper, no pun intended.

Last, but most definitely not least, is This Ain’t Community XXX, which is the most interesting and probably has the most bearing when it comes to whether or not the internet will ever see a 2 Broke Girls porn parody. In November 2012 Alison Brie, who played Annie on the show, revealed that:

“They shot a Community porn movie, but it’s never going to be seen, because they’re not going to distribute it, because not enough people know what the show is. Dan Harmon interviewed the girl who played Britta in the porn version of the show, and she was like, ‘Oh yeah, none of us knew what the show was, we still don’t know. We were just there to do our job.’ I think we were all really crestfallen, like, ‘What? You didn’t research the show?'”

According to another site I won’t be linking to, the rights were then purchased by Hustler, renamed to This Ain’t Community XXX, and “quietly posted” to their membership area in 2013. The info for this sitcom is as follows:

• Community premiered in 2009 and concluded, as far as we know, early this year, 2015. It ran for a total of six seasons.
• For the first five seasons [the sixth was released on Yahoo Screen]
  Community was on average the 121st most watched show while it was running.
• The porn parody was supposedly already filmed by 2012, presumably after the third season had already ended. Community was at its most popular with its first season and never again attained those heights of popularity.
• Pierce and Shirley have a sex scene, which is gross, I know.

 So What Does This All Mean?

Well, to put all of this into context we need to look at 2 Broke Girls as a show.

• Premiering in 2011, 2 Broke Girls starts up again this year, 2015. It has run for a total of four seasons and will be onto its fifth come next month.
• For its first four seasons 2 Broke Girls was actually on average the 37th most watched show in the America.
• While viewers overall dropped from the first to the third season, the fourth actually experienced a small, yet uncharacteristic bump in viewers.

Based on its overall rank throughout the past four years you would think that this would make 2 Broke Girls a shoe-in for its own porn parody, but there’s more to be taken into account here.

Of particular importance is the fact that being the 37th most watched show in America may not actually mean all that much in this day and age. For one thing, more and more audiences are opting for digital streaming services over watching TV on an actual television set. There’s also the idea that the people that are watching may not be the target audience for adult film studios. As Federico Dordei, who played Luis on 2 Broke Girls, shared in our exclusive interview with him:

“People love the show in different parts of America. But just a few here [Los Angeles] watch the show, the same in Miami, New York, Chicago, the big cities. Middle America, the majority of America, they love the show. Big towns don’t like it, but small towns love it. In Italy they love the show but it’s the same thing, not much in the big cities.”

Small town America may not be enough to invest money into the porn parody of a TV show that may never be as much of a household name as The Big Bang Theory or Two and a Half Men, fellow CBS sitcoms that both received parodies of their own. The average person is aware of antisocial autistic genius Sheldon Cooper, but I highly doubt that “Max Black” elicits the same sort of recognition.

Secondly is the idea that the era of porn parodies may be over, at least when it comes to TV shows. As mentioned I did only a nominal amount of research, but all of the entries on Wikipedia fall roughly between 2007 and 2011. It’s not to say that the industry’s production of these films came to a screeching halt after that point in time, only that a lack of interest on the world’s largest online reference may correlate to an overall slowing.

This is notable in that This Ain’t Glee XXX had its parody produced very soon after its first season, created in what I’ve dubbed a sort of miniature porn parody renaissance. With 94 episodes under its belt 2 Broke Girls is well into its own existence and years past that sweet spot. Of all the other shows that premiered in 2011 American Horror Story is the only one to garner a parody of its own, and that show has actually grown in viewership from season to season.

As a point to its favour, a 2 Broke Girls porn parody practically writes itself, what with two protagonists [one blonde and one brunette] that viewers at one point shipped pretty strongly and actual gross sex-obsessed characters in Sophie and Oleg. Don’t expect Han to have a lot to do, pun entirely intended, but that’s sort of a “Jorge” situation.

All of that being said, I wouldn’t hold my breath for a 2 Broke Girls porn parody. While adult film studios are quick to jump on a moneymaking bandwagon this one looks to have left some time ago. The changing landscape of television may in fact mean that sitcoms like Seinfeld are a thing of the past, and no one really thinks that 2 Broke Girls’ Crazy Kitsch Genius is ever going to be on the same level as the former’s Soup Nazi. While some may be clamouring for this product that’s a very niche audience, even as niche audiences go. For those of you looking for a 2 Broke Girls porn parody I guess you’ll have to use your imaginations, which should save literally everyone a lot of time and money.