“When one pair of legs closes, another one opens.”
Or at least that’s what Polish Oprah says. I’d be careful about disagreeing with her, since critics are hanged by the neck until dead. It’s also the tactic that 2 Broke Girls appears to be taking, since I can’t remember a point when both Max and Caroline were in serious romantic relationships at the same time. One may have a brief fling while the other is dating, but that’s about the extent of it.
Larger ensemble comedies have likewise chosen to give select characters the spotlight re: significant others, but in this case the rest of the cast plays second fiddle to the duo at its core. The inability, or unwillingness, of the show’s writers’ room to allow both Max and Caroline date concurrently speaks to their narrow focus. One at a time; wait your turn, please.
To be fair this episode actually closes on the idea that they might be trying to make a change moving forward, so we should probably get to what actually happens-
A lot of what happens is dancing. Just so, so much dancing.
Caroline’s third date with Bobby is coming up, and that means there are . . . certain expectations. As for Max, she’s chosen to take herself out of the game, as it were. Great heights were reached during her sexual career, but the time has come to take off the cap of Professional Fornicator and replace it with the hat of Amateur Golfer. She’s tagging along with Han and believes the activity to be just about as far from bumping uglies as you can get.
The impending evening promises to be more than Caroline was expecting given Bobby describing it with the words “exotic” and “big”. As a means of prepping after a particularly lengthy dry spell she heads to The Art of Seduction, where Rita [Katie Wee] recommends Caroline stop in on a burlesque class she teaches nearby. I could continue connecting the dots, but that’s obviously where the two girls end up.
I won’t lie to you, Rita’s demonstration is . . . certainly something. And in spite of the fact that one of the most popular posts on this blog is about the reason a 2 Broke Girls parody doesn’t exist I never wanted this to be that kind of site. That being said I’ve exclusively compiled the reactions instead. Here’s Caroline’s:
Which leads to the rest of the class showing their stuff to the sound of Rihanna’s “Birthday Cake”. Sophie, who is also there, is next-
-followed by Caroline, emboldened by the performance preceding hers:
From the announcement of her retirement up to this point Caroline has staunchly refused to support Max’s decision.
“Max, you can’t get out of the game just as I’m getting in, I wanted us to have sex together.”
It’s a sweetly awkward sentiment, and it boils down to her not wanting to be happy while her best friend isn’t. In her ideal world they’re both in loving relationships. This all comes to a head with Max’s refusal to participate in the burlesque class, which prompts Rita to chime in and mention that the art is both seduction and catharsis, a means of dancing out negative emotions.
A sitcom needs to maintain a brisk comedic pace, meaning that Rita and Caroline’s routines needed to be buttressed by snappy one-liners. For Sophie and Max, on the other hand, their performances are the jokes. The latter’s is such that I actually need to spend a paragraph on it.
You can see Max’s golf outfit up above in the header image. Now I’m not about bodyshaming, so when I describe her dancing as Danny DeVito-esque [think more Batman Returns than It’s Always Sunny…] I do so because it’s 100% accurate. I’m not sure whether or not to recommend watching this episode for it . . . probably not?
Anyway, Max uses her car crash of an Ooma Loompa jig as a mic drop and leaves to go play golf.
Back at the
ranch diner we find out that she slept with her and Han’s golf pro, effectively ending her retirement. Bobby shows up early to reveal that a) he thinks her uniform, which she had been hiding, is really quite fetching [it “looks really hot, like a sexy pencil”] and b) his big exotic plans were eating at a Moroccan place, since he had the same initial expectations she did all along [“Why would I see that on the third date, isn’t that the tenth?”].
“And the Tease Time” ends with the status quo reestablished, but also at the bare minimum introduces the idea that Max being back on the market might lead to some potential relationship overlap. I’m not saying it’s likely, but six seasons in and you need to keep trying new things to keep a show alive. I mean, it’s that or making the dreams of the paltry handful of Maxoline shippers remaining come true.
Current Total: $3,145.
New Total: $4,895. The most significant expense this episode would’ve been the burlesque class, but realistically this number hasn’t meant a thing for months now.
The Title Refers To: Burlesque shows can be pretty titillating, which explains the “tease” portion of the title. As a whole it can be seen as a play of words on “tea time”.
- “Also, I’m either caught on Max’s button or she has a tiny round penis.” I’m not providing context for that.
- Sex is Max’s thing, “like Cheetos, or zeroing in on people’s vulnerabilities.”
- I had my own issues with it walking out of the theatre, but hearing that Caroline’s underwear has “more holes than the plot of Arrival” had me immediately rushing to the defence of what is a very solid sci-fi flick that I wasn’t initially wowed by.
- While lingerie shopping: “Do you have anything that says ‘Grand Reopening'”?
- “This is just like The Bachelor. Except I’m not getting HPV from a lagoon.” I’m going to use this line as an opportunity to shamelessly promote my own Bachelor meme instagram account.
- Upon hearing about Caroline’s upcoming third date: “Ooh, that’s a gay’s first date.” Eesh.
- “My first date was a Hall & Oates’ concert. Yes, I’m old.” Completely unprompted. We don’t even find out this woman’s name, only that she’s old.
- Caroline, classic Channing overachiever. “I was the best, right? Because it matters to me.”
At this point I would typically end things off with our go-to weekly feature. With this episode, however, there were too many things I couldn’t devote a mere line to in the full review, while also proving too lengthy for the Stray Observations. While this is probably a one-off thing, it may always make a reappearance. Without further ado, here’s:
Odds and Ends
“Everybody knows the third date means sex,” is something Max tells Caroline in the first few minutes, and it’s backed up by Earl chiming in that “some between-legs action is on.” Urban Dictionary, my primary resource for this sort of thing, actually has an entry for the “Third Date Rule” which is defined:
The third date is generally considered the “sex date.” It is the average number of dates until it is deemed proper and acceptable to have sex with a new mate; therefore, the Third Date Rule is the implementation of this theory.
Both Sophie and Oleg compare waiting until the third date to living like a nun, but they’re certainly outliers when it comes to most conventions.
“A foursome like you used to, on my bed, while I’m trying to read,” is something Caroline tells Max in trying to affirm how pivotal sex is in her roommate’s life. This ties back to an observation I’ve made numerous times, as early as my review of “And the Piece of Sheet” where I wrote:
“Max’s sexual escapades are a list longer than this blog post looks to be, but they don’t feel real because the show feels content to hide them away. I’m not asking to see a revolving door of guys walking in and out of her bedroom, but I’m going to need something for it not to seem like they’re just dirty jokes and quips for the sake of laughs with no lasting intentional effects on her as an actual character.”
It’s obvious what side of the Madonna-whore complex the 2 Broke Girls writers would like Max to fall on, but three seasons out and we’re still not getting any strong indicators that she’s anywhere as promiscuous as she claims to be, especially with two lengthy committed relationships to date. We might assume she has had casual sex semi-regularly, but foursomes as a regular occurrence threatens the suspension of disbelief.
“Clothes jinx!” is what Han says to Max when he sees they’re wearing the same outfit.