On December 28th Leelah (Josh) Alcorn committed suicide. In the Tumblr note she scheduled to upload after her death, Leelah implies that her parents’ strict rejection of her identity was one of the factor that led her to this decision.
I’m not a parent, so I don’t want to ignorantly hand out parenting suggestions. However, I do want to start a dialogue about this story in the Christian community.
Instead of offering my own naive words of advice, I’ve pulled out three quotes from Leelah’s note to focus on. Each of these three points highlight things Leelah seemed to deeply wish that her Christian parents would understand.
1. You can’t force your child to accept your beliefs
“They felt like I was attacking their image, and that I was an embarrassment to them. They wanted me to be their perfect little straight christian boy…”
I love what Jamie (the very worst missionary) once said on this topic. In her post titled “Not All Pastor’s Kids Are Christian. Sorry.” she talks about her own experience as a pastors wife, parenting a child who now identifies as an atheist. While Jamie expects their children to act respectful towards her and her husband (and their chosen profession), when it comes to their faith she only asks her children to be honest with her in their journey towards truth. She doesn’t ask them to pretend to be something they are not:
“Believing in Jesus? Receiving His redemption? These are not commands to be given by a father and obeyed by a child. They are a loving invitation from God to his people, every last one of His people, and He is patiently awaiting their reply…”
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Posted in Christianity, family, health, lgbt, religion
Tagged #RealLifeTransAdult, acceptance, adolescent development, Atheist, beliefs, Beyond Ex-Gay, Christian, Christianity, Community, computer, corrective therapy, cruelty, dangerous, dialogue, embarrassment, ex-gay, faith, family, forbidden, gay, honesty, internet, isolation, Jamie the very worst missionary, Jesus, Josh Alcorn, Leelah Alcorn, lgbt, love, mental-health, Not all Pastor's Kids, pain, parenting, parents, peers friendship, phone, Public Health Agency of Canada, reddit, repression, safety, social media, solidarity, strict, suicide, suicide note, support, survivor, tough love, Transgender, truth, Truth Wins Out, Tumblr
I should probably preface this post by explaining that I am a terrible listener. Sometimes when I am trying to listen to someone I end up talking a whole bunch in order to explain that I am listening, or that I see where the person (who I should be listening to) is coming from. It’s pretty counter-productive. I’m also an extrovert, so when I get nervous I talk more, and sometimes even a lull in conversation can make me nervous. Oh, and one more thing, I’m terrible at taking constructive criticism. That’s probably one of my biggest flaws. I cannot even count the number of fights I’ve had with loved ones because I’m so damn sensitive, not to mention the times I just misunderstand what they are saying because I read too far into it.
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Posted in communication, internet, relationships
Tagged blogging, conversation, extrovert, face-to-face, Hyperbole and a Half, internet, internet bullying, introvert, Jamie the very worst missionary, listening, online, over-analyze, squeaky wheel, talking, tmi, Tumblr