Category Archives: crime

Who Killed Archie? Solve The Riddle to Save Our Marriage

A major bone of contention between my wife and I is the debate that threatens to pull our marriage apart (well, not really, but you know what I mean). It centres around one question:

If Archie was suddenly murdered, who would his murderer be?

We have defended our theories in public and in private. We have tried to gain the support of others in the hopes of winning the argument by sheer volume, but alas we are still locked in this bitter battle. So it has come to this, our final plea to the internet and its readers.

I, John, will be arguing that Archie Andrew’s murderer could only be one of two people: Betty Cooper or Jughead Jones. Katherine will be arguing that the only possible murderer is Veronica Lodge. We beg that you help us decide. Who is the true killer?

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We see you brooding in the background Jughead. Image courtesy of Bago Games.

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Was It Justified? A Helpful Flow Chart On Whether Or Not That Black Dude Should’ve Been Gunned Down

Recent events have seen a rival of our national discussion on police, racial minorities, and the seemingly unending instances of violence being inflicted by the former on the latter. In light of this, we here at Culture War Reporters thought it might be helpful for everyone to break down this complex (or perhaps not so complex) issue with colorful boxes and simple choices.

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Gunnin’ For The Right To Bear Arms

Well readers, it’s been just over a week since the senseless murder of some 49 innocents at a nightclub in Orlando. In the days that have followed we’ve seen the same, tired reactions. Conservatives blame liberals and Muslims. Liberals hurl accusations at conservatives. On the ground, people suffer in a state of fear, confusion, and pent up indignation and nothing really gets done.

Or at least, that’s how things have been.

After this, the deadliest mass-shooting in US history, there may be hope at long last for some cooperation. Both sides of the issue are coming together to openly discuss solutions for preventing such tragedies. And folks, that is something to be grateful for.

The solution they’ve come up with so far?

That’s a different story.

Chances are that you’ve probably heard of Senator Chuck Murphy’s 14-hour filibuster on June 15th– the representative of Connecticut staunchly refusing to yield the floor until legislators agreed to vote on gun control measures. Among the measures agreed to be voted is the banning of the sale of guns and explosives to anyone on the terrorist watchlist- a measure that’s been heartily endorsed by both Republicans and Democrats, making it perhaps some the first gun control legislation in a long, long time with a good chance of passing.

And I could not be more pissed about it. Continue reading

Florida Massacres and Alligator Tears

Well readers, it’s happened again.

Another day, another senseless mass shooting resulting in scores of innocent people killed. And once more the people of this nation turn their weary eyes to each other and ask-

How? How could this happen again?

Across the internet, images are already popping up offering empty condolences, meaningless gestures, the tired, broken old echo of “thoughts and prayers.”

Accompanied by, of course, jabs at Muslims.

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“Muslims” as it’s being said.

Not “that one psycho from Florida” (because where would you even start?)

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Not “that one individual with serious mental instability” (like Dylan Roof, the Unabomber, the Columbine murderers, the Sandy Hook murderer, the Aurora Theater murderer, etc.)

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No, Muslims. Continue reading

Does the Reaction to the Stanford Rapist Signal a Cultural Shift?

By now you’ve probably heard that Stanford student Brock Allen Turner was sentenced to only 6 months in prison for raping an unconscious woman at a party. You’ve probably also heard his father shamelessly attempt to downplay Turner’s actions as “20 minutes of action”.

Hopefully, you’ve also read the letter written by the rape survivor. In it, she breaks down many of the myths around rape, myths Turner’s defence used to attack her testimony and represent Turner as some kind of victim instead. Her heartbreaking personal account has broken down the defences of almost everyone who has read it (except Turner and his father, it would seem). According to Buzzfeed, one of the main sites to release her letter, her words have “gone viral” in a way few conversations about sexual assault ever do.

And as the word has spread, almost everyone has gotten behind this brave woman. Her story has brought light to the problem of systemic injustices, like light penalties for many cases of sexual assault and disproportionate penalties based on racial or economic background.

More than anything her story has prompted a united public outrage. Every comment I have read expresses distain and anger towards Turner and sympathy for his victim. Even internet trolls who would normally find a reason to challenge the victim’s story (i.e. some members of the Men’s Rights Reddit page) admit that “outrage over this issue is legitimate” (although their comments inevitably lead back to criticizing feminism).

In some ways it’s encouraging to witness the attack on Brock Turner. It seems like we’re experiencing a massive shift in the way we talk about rape and sexual violence. As this story has unfolded we’ve seen few if any attempts to slut shame or victim blame in the media or public conversation.

As glad as I am that this conversation has come out in favour of the victim, I can’t help but wonder if the public condemnation of Turner actually signals for a yearning for justice, or if perhaps other factors are at play. I’ve been struggling with two questions in particular. Continue reading

Hollywood’s Cover-Ups or Indonesia’s Castration Method: How Should We Deal With Pedophiles?

The sexual assault of a child is the most abhorrent crime in the world. As a society we curse those who commit such crimes and refuse to recognize them as anything but outsiders and deviants. Unfortunately, pedophilia is far more common than we care to admit.

Former child actors Elijah Wood and Corey Feldman recently drew attention to the problem of pedophilia in Hollywood. While Wood only pointed to events he had heard about (and last year’s documentary film, An Open Secret), Feldman referred to his own experience with abuse

Unfortunately for Feldman, even if he would like to call out the men who abused him as a child he is unable to do so for legal reasons:

I would love to name names. I’d love to be the first to do it. But unfortunately California conveniently enough has a statute of limitations that prevents that from happening. Because if I were to go and mention anybody’s name I would be the one that would be in legal problems and I’m the one that would be sued.

In a stark juxtaposition to Hollywood, Indonesia is also in the news for their dealings with pedophiles. After a 14-year-old girl was brutally gang raped and then murdered, President Joko Widodo introduced a new law that would mean the death penalty or chemical castration for the sexual assault of a minor.

After reading about the injustice of Hollywood, where survivors are unable to prosecute the predators who took advantage of them, reading about Indonesia can feel like a breath of fresh air. However, it’s worth looking beyond our gut reaction to ask if forced chemical castration, and the possibility of the death penalty, will actually work as a deterrent against the sexual assault of a minor. Continue reading