We return once more to your stereotypical American diner. Seated in a booth by the window is yours truly, glancing over the menu while absentmindedly flicking my cigarette lighter on and off.
“Excuse me, but you can’t smoke in here.”
I turn to see a waiter standing over me.
“Beg pardon?”
“You can’t smoke in here”.
“But I wasn’t smoking.”
“Sir, you need to stop smoking in here.”
“But-”
At this, the waiter hauls off and socks me straight in the face. He turns around and promptly walks off. Regaining my senses, I begin to unleash a torrent of confused profanities, leading the manager to saunter over and ask what what the problem is.
“That waiter just punched me in the face!”
A weary smile flickers over the manager’s face.
“Yes,” he says, “Well resolving conflicts with customers is part of the waiter’s job.”
“Yeah, I know, but he punched me! Did he have to punch me in the face?!”
“Waiters are given excellent training on resolving customer complaints.”
“He punched me in the face!”
I lift my hands from the bruised cartilage of my nose, already beginning to turn a lovely purplish color.
“Ah,” said the manager, “well as we all know, waiters have a stressful and thankless job…”
“SO!?!?”
“…And when you think about it, most waiters don’t go around punching people in the face. Most waiters are good waiters.” Continue reading →
As predicted 
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