Tag Archives: sex

Reflections On One Year of Marriage: 4 Things I Didn’t Expect

Next week will be my one year anniversary with John. Next week we will also be heading out on our belated honeymoon. Since I’ve made a bit of a habit of updating you on these personal aspects of my life, I thought I’d also go ahead talk about a few things I’ve learned in my new phase of life. 

1) Guys Actually Care About Stuff Other Than Sex

I’ve mentioned in the past that I grew up in the purity movement. I realize you may have read some horror stories about how the purity mentality makes women afraid of sex. I can certainly see how this can and has sometimes been the case, but let me assure you, for me, it was the polar opposite.

I built up sex in my head, a lot. I had all these plans and ideas for when I was FINALLY having sex, and some of them were… a little off base.

First of all I thought that all guys ever wanted, ever, was sex. You can blame it on the purity movement, or you can blame it on media, or you can blame it on my overactive imagination, but somewhere alone the line I decided that guys just wanted sex ALL THE TIME.

So imagine my shock when John and I got to the point in our relationship where he could say things like “well, I’m actually in the middle of writing a paper right now” or “just let me finish this chapter.” Sometimes he even wanted to just cuddle (gasp)!

What was this? This was not what happened in the movies! What was he doing? Being a person? With interests besides sex? What was the world coming to?

Don’t get me wrong, sex is still the awesomeness I always imagined it would be, but it was eye-opening for me to realize how I had internalized such a common gender stereotype without even realizing it.  Continue reading

Shame Day: John Piper

Readers, I try not to abuse Shame Day.

These posts are meant to be condemnations of terrible events, trends, or people- not platforms for us to roust the  things we simply don’t care for. I’ll actively avoid researching certain people or subjects which just generally annoy me- I don’t want to hastily pull together some indignant exposé to justify my dislike of something. And for the longest time, the works and career of American pastor John Piper have been one of those things.

Until now. Continue reading

A Story for the Average Woman: Maleficent on Rape and Motherhood

Spoilers below… and all that jazz.

Unabashedly a Story about Women

At this year’s Oscars Cate Blanchett happily exclaimed that her award proves that women are not a niche market. Some of this year’s top films are evidence that people care about women and their stories. There were the Hunger Games films, which blazed the trail for future female heroinesthen Frozen, which is now the fifth highest grossing film ever.  In fact, movies that pass the Bechdel test are now doing better at the domestic box office than those that don’t. But the latest trend in female heroines tends to imbue them with traditionally male traits, and rarely celebrates the issues that the majority of women regularly engage with. In contrast, Maleficent is a story that is unabashedly about women, and its success demonstrates that people care about the issues that affect the “other” gender.

   

I felt this was fitting, what with female protagonists breaking out of their “niche” market.

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The Problem with Purity (When Christian Values Distract from the Message)

I wore a purity ring throughout my teens. It was pretty easy to honour the contract I associated with that ring because I only dated once during that time and pretty well never saw my boyfriend outside of a group setting.

When I started having more complex relationships in my 20’s I suddenly began to realize that “purity” was a more complex idea than I first thought. At what point was I “giving myself away”? Did I need to Kiss Dating Goodbye if I wanted to hold to this contract ( a topic Evan has touched on in previous posts)? Or did I just push the line as far as I could, as long as I could “technically” tell people I was still a virgin (a practice Elisa critiqued in a past post)?

As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to a couple different conclusions about the purity culture trend than what I first believed. I don’t want to make it seem like all sexual restraint needs to be thrown out the window. I do, however, want to take a look at some unpleasant consequences of the purity movement, and consider why they came about.

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Let Me Tell You “What Happened To Music?”

I enjoy a pretty broad range of music. It’s not just severe differences in genre [from Joshua Radin’s “Winter” to “Squeeze Me” by Kraak and Smaak], it’s stuff that spans several generations. From Elvis Presley to The Mamas & The Papas to Marvin Gaye, all can be my go-to depending on the day and my mood. In fact, it’s that appreciation for tunes through the decades that helps me enjoy so much of what’s on the cdza [or collectivecadenza] YouTube channel.

This isn’t a Fame Day post, so I’m not going to regale you all on why it’s so great. What I am going to do, however, is direct you to the very first video I saw by them. It’s called “History of Wooing Men”:

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Culture War Correspondence: Music – Catchiness vs. Content

KAT: Greetings friends! Tonight Evan and I bring you a topic that is close to the heart of anyone with the ability to hear (or feel vibrations): music.

EVAN: In particular, we’ll be discussing lyrics, appropriate since I can just barely sound out “Amazing Grace” on the piano. As far as pop music goes nowadays the words our favourite artists are singing are not always ones we can agree with.

It’s why this version of a certain Robin Thicke song is the only one I can listen to with a clean conscience:


KAT:
 It’s also why I just can’t enjoy jamming out to Rihanna and Eminem’s romanticization of domestic abuse (“Love The Way You Lie”). Continue reading